My last week of pregnancy emotional roller coaster

I hope the title of this post is enough to deter anyone who doesn't want to read about a crazy pregnant lady.

Last Tuesday I took Annika to dance class and then went out visiting teaching and it completely wiped me out. When I got home I told the kids it was nap time and thankfully they got right in their beds and so did I, where I stayed until 4 when my big kids came home from their bus stop. But even then I didn't get out. Every time I thought about it I had a contraction, so I started to cry becasue it all seemed so miserable. I knew the contractions were not part of "active labor" they were only false labor, and useless pain. Then the phone rang and I almost died trying to walk over to it. It was Erin who consoled me and let me whine to her. Ariel was really sweet and brought me a bowl of rocky road ice cream. Needless to say, I didn't make dinner so the beautiful clockwork that is usually evening in the Laubert home got thrown off.
Thursday evening I had a doctor's appointment and got "checked" for the first time. Much to my surprise she told me I was dilated 3.5 cm and 50 percent effaced. I was all ready to schedule an induction becasue with my 4 babies I have never gone into labor on my own and don't really expect to and am deathly afraid of going over my due date and trying to deliver a big baby. Of course, they couldn't schedule it right then becaue it was after hours, so I had to call back in the morning to talk to Linda, my doctor was supposed to leave her a note, but she had no idea what I was talking about when I called. Driving home from my appointment, I called Rebekah on my cell phone ( I am trying to use it more so that I will actually know how to use it and remember to charge it so I will be ready in case of emergencies.) She gave me a pep talk about all of the ways to get yourself to go into labor (which I am now convinced just don't work for this body no matter how badly I want them to.) So, I came home excited to share my news and enthusiasm with my labor partner and eternal satellite. It was a bit anticlimactic for me when the numbers didn't register anything to him (this is our 5th baby) and in response to my suggestions for getting labor started his reply was, "Why would you want to go into labor in the middle of the night? That is like the worst time." And rolled over and told me he was tired and had a runny nose. During dinner all I talked about was how I could possibly have the baby that night and that really got him thinking about some deadlines he had at work, so before coming to bed he did stay up and get a lot of stuff done, which is a relief, I guess. Does it seem like to any of you women out there that when faced with a problem, men try to DO SOMETHING to solve it, but that something might not be the wife's first choice?
On to Friday morning, when Linda called me back she had the sad news that the first available time to schedule an elective induction was February 4th, and the only doctor delivering (out of 12 doctors in the practice) was one that I had never met, a man, Dr. Rodriguez. Take into account that at this moment I was already sad that I had not gone into labor the night before and that a whole week seems like an eternity for a pregnant lady to wait. A good friend in my ward took Annika and Dallin for the whole day to give me a break. It was so nice. I changed back into my mumu pajamas and did laundry, crocheted the edge around the baby blanket, watched chick flicks and talked to my sisters on the phone all day. It was great. Erin tried to give me a pep talk about putting myself into labor, but after going up and down my stairs a million times, it dawned on me that not only was I not in labor, I was just wearing myself out, and where would I find the energy to have a baby if I did go into labor?
Yesterday was pretty uneventful. Nikolay worked all day to try to meet his deadlines, I took naps, and played with the kids, did laundry, and reconciled myself to the fact that I would not have a baby until Feb 4th. Then when it was time to go to sleep for the night a frightful thought occurred to me, "I don't even know Dr. Rodriguez, what if he likes to do episiotomies?" (with my 4 other babies I never had to have one, but am aware that plenty of doctors think they are just easier). So I got to Nikolay interrupt his work, which had made it to the bed now with the lap top, to look up Dr. Rodriguez. It was comforting to know that he took my alarm seriously. He had some good insight, that who the doctor delivering the baby is is more important than the day, and maybe one of the women doctors was delivering on Friday. That is something that I will find out tomorrow, when I talk to Linda to find out if anyone who was scheduled actually went into labor over the weekend thus freeing up an earlier spot for me. Anyway, we looked up Dr. Rodriguez, and I was pleased to find this question and answer segment he had with his profile:

"Why did you choose your profession?

I enjoy working with women and participating in the miracle of life.

What is your philosophy of caring for patients?

Listen carefully to your patient and she will give you her diagnosis.

What innovations in medicine excite you the most?

The fact that we have come such a long way with minimally invasive surgery. We are able to perform major surgery with minimal patient discomfort and markedly decreased recovery time.

What areas of continuing education do you pursue?

Advanced laparoscopic surgery.

What makes your practice different from others?

Cultural competence. We understand how each patient's cultural values, traditions, history and institutions shape her experiences and influence her health behaviors. We value cultural diversity and adapt the way we provide care to our patients' cultures.

What defines you as a person?

I am straightforward, caring, and compassionate."

The only thing that would make me feel better about him is if he came right out and said, "I only do episiotomies when they are absolutely necessary."

So although I would still like to have this baby right now, I am in a good place with waiting till Thursday and having Dr. Rodriguez deliver the baby. That is how I feel right now, at least until another episode of complete exhaustion overtakes me or the contractions start up again. I still don't know how I feel about driving to buy more crochet yarn to finish the blanket, or taking Annika to dance class on Tuesday, the only two things I can see getting me behind the wheel between now and then. I am afraid that my water would break and then what do I do, try to drive myself to the hospital with two small children in the car, pull over and call Nikolay or 911 and wait in the freezing cold while trying not to push?

Updates

In an effort to stay up-to-date with how my family is growing and changing here is a quick update on each of us.

Nikolay--Finished tiling the kitchen today, now on to the grout!
Heather--has less than 2 weeks till her due date and is finding it harder and harder to keep up with housework due to large belly and lack of motivation.
Ariel--Learned how to embroider this week and now is torn between embroidering and crocheting.
Adriana--is trying to wiggle her first loose tooth as much as possible because the grownup one is already growing in, behind it.
Annika--spends at least half the day in a fantasy world with her stuffed animals and her best friend--Dallin.
Dallin--has come down with a cold, and will be missing nursery tomorrow, but is a cuddly as ever and loves to kiss me and tell me that I am a good mommy. (Just what I need to hear.)

Sunday Afternoons

I love Sunday afternoons, and evenings for that matter. I love the time to relax and enjoy each other, without the feeling that there is something else I should be doing like cleaning the house. Yesterday found us looking through family photo albums. I had just put the pictures of 2009 in so everyone was excited to look at them, but they started at the beginning. It was so cute to here Dallin ask, "Where me are?" and "That me baby?" The album they were looking at started with pictures from 2005 when Annika was a baby so it took a while to get to any pictures with Dallin in them, but when they did he was so excited, exclaiming, "There me are!" I corrected him a few times saying, "Dallin say, 'There I am.'" It got really funny when Nikolay started correcting Dallin as well, with his own unique version of identifying oneself in a picture in English and then Dallin re-correcting him incorrectly. I should have written it down at the time, because now I can't exactly remember how it went.
I started thinking about how glad I am that I put pictures in albums, especially with the new baby coming. I am afraid that I will be stretched too far and some things might fall through the cracks, so it is good to know that at least the first 4 kids all have their baby pictures in the family photo albums. Now I am just trying to get caught up on each of their scrapbooks, before the baby comes, so that I can concentrate on her new scrapbook and taking good pictures of her because babies grow so fast.
It feels like January is almost over, and I realized that I haven't gotten my camera out at all yet this year, so today when we went to Trexler Park to ride scooters and enjoy the nice weather and the day off of school, I brought my camera with me, but the sun wasn't cooperating much and I didn't take the time to really set the camera up right, but I got a few shots, so that I can prove that my kids were alive in the month of January 2010.

Becoming a mother of 5

I have been meaning to write about this for a while now, and now that my due date is less than 4 weeks away, I think I really should. Having 5 children in Allentown, PA, feels a lot different than having 5 children in Holladay, UT, simply because not many people here do that, where as there they did, so it kind of defines you as that crazy woman with all those kids. I don't know if it is just me, I have noticed that people out here use the word "nuts" for crazy a lot more than in Utah. Anyway, so here if you have more than 2 kids you must be nuts, at least that is what I gather is the general consensus. At first I was a little reluctant to let people know that I was expecting, but the more I thought about it and got used to the idea, I realized that I really didn't mind being defined by it, it is after all what we wanted and I can't imagine my life any other way. Most of the women in my neighborhood work, and I feel it a great luxury that I can stay home with my kids and still live in this neighborhood. When we go on walks, Nikolay often muses, "What do these people need these big houses for if they only have 2 or 3 kids?" Where he came from in Ukraine, most people grew up in multi-generational apartments, and there was no concept of a bedroom, each room had people sleeping in it at night, regardless of it's daytime use. I am happy to have a full house where each room is being used and is full of life. I think that growing up with siblings really enriches your life experiences. I love that my older kids play with my younger kids. On the flip side, being a parent is one of the hardest things I have ever done, and I know that I am always making mistakes, but trying to improve.

Annika prays

Tonight for our family prayer, it was Annika's turn and she said, "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for....EVERYTHING!!!!!! in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen."
Then I told her that we need to say specific things that we are thankful for each day and she told me that she is thankful for everything, and I asked her to try again thinking of some specific things. So she prayed, "Dear Heavenly Father, Thank You for ...milk, chocolate milk, pink milk and white milk. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen." It was all I could do to keep from totally cracking up in the middle. Funny thing is, no one else in the family could understand what she had said, so I had to repeat it to everyone else while keeping a straight face.

A resolution

The only New Year's resolution I am going to make this year is to keep up with my blog. I have so many pictures from Thanksgiving and Christmas, that I am just going to post them as slide shows on the sidebar. The overwhelming feeling of needing to get caught up has actually kept me from blogging lately, so, I am just going to try to stay on top of it, blogging at least once a week. I figure it is a good Sunday activity, family history and all.



Here are the snowmen the kids built today.
Ariel's, that she named Bob Fat Louis Laubert.
Dallin's that Ariel helped build.
Adriana's that she built herself and is so proud of that she wants to take a picture of it to school on Monday.
Annika's little "child" (her words).

Annika updates

Annika has become so talkative lately and talks about things that she has really been thinking about. Yesterday as we were on our family walk she says, "Mom I want a journal so I can write about lots of things every day."
"OK, sounds good."
"First I will write, 'My mom and dad are really sweet.'"

Ahhh. Isn't that better than a paycheck?

She also recently taught herself how to snap and how to whistle. How many 4 year olds do you know who can do that?

Walking to school with worms

Up until towards the end of 5th grade, I walked to school, in Hudson Iowa. We lived in the "new addition," which was on the other side of Highway 63 from the school. We would cut through our neighbors' yard behind us, stopping to say hi to their German shepherd. Then we would walk down the street past the house where a teenager adopted from Korea lived, past the Allred's (some people in our ward who I used to babysit, when I was younger than 10, until one of the boys climbed up the metal shelving in the basement and spilled a 5 gallon jar of honey all over the braided rug, knocking over the whole shelving unit and shattering the jar into a million pieces). That was probably the first time I was fired for doing a bad job, but as a nine year old I learned a few good life lessons, that have really impacted my life. 1) Nine year olds are old enough to babysit 4 younger children. 2) The top shelf of a rickety metal shelving unit is not a good place for a 5 gallon jar of honey. 3) Shelving units should be secured to the wall when small children live in the same house. But the really great thing about he Allreds is that they were really wacky and a lot of fun and we played a really awesome card game called scoop like solitaire where each person has their own deck but you can discard your cards on anyone else's stacks in the middle.
Back to walking to school. When we got to the corner where the Brekhousen's (where we went for Brownies) lived we turned left. Sometimes Carrie and Andrew Jones would join us, and then we would pick up Elicia and Heather King. There was this house across from the King's where some mysterious teenagers lived who were always getting their trees TP'ed. One thing that really sticks out is the smell of the worms on the road after a good rain. We would talk about night crawlers and how they have to come out because the ground is too full of water and how if you chop them in half they keep living, and we trying not to step on them. I remember rounding this one corner where lightening hit a tree one night and half of it was strewn across the road and the people were trying to clean it up. When we got to the end of that street we would walk through this chain-link fenced path up to where the happy professional crossing guard would help us cross Highway 63. She always wore orange and had an orange whistle and orange whistle earrings to match. I remember when I was in third grade I weighed 63 pounds and I thought I was so clever when I figured out that, "I weigh 63" sounds like "Highway 63."

Halloween 2009

After 3 years of elementary school Halloween parades, I finally figured out that it is fun to have the younger kids dress up to watch the parade too. Here are some shots of Dallin and Annika as we were waiting for the parade to start. We came pretty early to get a good parking spot. (see I am getting wiser)

Adriana, the cutest witch in the first grade. This is the first time one of my kids actually wanted to be someone Halloweenish.
Ariel wanted to be a baby this year. I can't really understand her choice, and I didn't really like the pajamas we bought for her costume, but another girl in her class also wanted to be a baby and got the same pajamas, so at least she was in good company. She has been planning this for almost a year now, right around election time last year she said she wanted to either be Barack Obama or a baby. I guess this costume was a little easier that Barack Obama would have been.


Dallin fell asleep right before we left for trick or treating. By the time we got back he was just waking up, so I took him out to a few houses, just the two of us. He looks a little startled in this picture because he had just woken up, and wasn't sure what awaiting him in his first trick or treating adventure. We went to some houses that were totally spooky. At one there were eyeballs peering out of the bushes, and spiders in the windows, and he had second thoughts about it saying it was too, "Pooky," but the promise of candy helped him overcome his fears.

Barbie birthday cake and a picture Nikolay took.

This year for Annika's birthday I made a Barbie cake. She was having a princess party and this cake seemed more possible than a castle. Except for the icing running, I pretty much like how it turned out and the girls couldn't get over how fun it was to be eating her dress.
We went on a walk a few weeks ago on a Sunday afternoon to a park we had never been to before. I had messed up the settings on the camera and couldn't get them back to normal, so I surrendered the camera to Nikolay who took this great shot.

Kids say funny things

Annika thinks family home evening is called "heavenly meeting."

At lunch yesterday Annika told Dallin that GIRLled cheese sandwiches are not for boys.

Dallin saw Annika eating a pink starburst and said he wanted a pink caramel too.

September Photos

Last day swimming at the pool before it closed for the summer.

First day of school.


Other cute shots.

I just love it when little kids play by themselves and take care of their toys as if they were real.


Wow, I am almost all caught up! Here are some pictures from September that I haven't posted yet and then there are just a few from October and I can start blogging in the present.

August photos

I just went through all of the pictures from August that I haven't posted yet. Here is one of Nikolay and Dallin working together, spreading the enriched topsoil for my raised bed garden.

Recent Photos

We celebrated Annika's 4th birthday on Sunday, and she is having her friends party this Saturday.

Pictures of the family reunion in Wisconsin last July/August

The girls on grandma's pony.



The big family picture. Luke was at the reunion, but couldn't get off work for the picture.

Nikolay bonding with Brady.
The dads watching the kids swim.
The canoe trip.

Some thoughts on parenting

Parenting has got to be one of the hardest (but most rewarding, love all those hugs and kisses) parts of life. It is the ultimate trial or "refiner's fire" because unlike a "full-time" job, you never leave it, and it is hardest at the moments when you are the most worn-out, and impatient. For example, tonight, after a late dinner (due to eating after soccer practice) I really felt like just sprawling out on the bed (my stamina has really decreased with pregnancy) and winding down, but I have learned that the sooner you get the kids in bed, the more time you have in the evening to just be together an chill and reconnect, and the kids start to have melt downs after bed time if they aren't in bed. So as much as I would have wanted to just take a break, I told myself that if you can just get through the next hour, life will be good. We struck up a bargain that if he did the dishes, I would bathe the kids, and it was going pretty well, baths usually help the kids wind down, and everyone smells nice and everything. My newest trial has been that when my oldest gets home from school she is so full of energy that she doesn't calm down until she is in her bed. She isn't being naughty, just super excited about everything. Her life is like a musical, she sings and dances to everything, and tries to get everyone else to join in. She still finishes her homework and does her chores, but her energy level just hits the roof. Come to think of it, I wish I could borrow some of that energy. One reason why this is such a trial for me is that she is so loud, and has a hard time calming down, and it starts to grate on my nerves, so by bed-time, when I am already worn out, I have a hard time keeping my cool, and tonight (right before family scripture study) I kinda lost it (way to go Heather, make the kids cry instead of helping them feel the Spirit). I don't mean to make this a confessional, but I woke up a little while ago and can't get back to sleep, and I have been contemplating how I can parent her better. I don't want to squash her spirit and enthusiasm, but I can't loose my sanity and I feel responsible to keep peace in my home, it is hard on the other kids sometimes when she is demanding and attracting so much attention.
So, as I can't sleep, I decided to read some of the conference talks that really made an impression on me. There was one phrase from Elder Anderson's talk on moral discipline that has been running through my mind ever since I heard it, "Our aim must be for them to become truly converted to the restored gospel of Jesus Christ while they are with us." He was actually quoting President Eyring from a talk he gave to seminary teachers. I took "while they are still with us" to mean while our children are still living in our homes. Another phrase from President Eyring's CES talk that I love is,"The pure gospel of Jesus Christ must go down into the hearts of students by the power of the Holy Ghost." This made me think of Alma 31:5 5 " And now, as the preaching of the word had a great tendency to lead the people to do that which was just—yea, it had had more powerful effect upon the minds of the people than the sword, or anything else, which had happened unto them—therefore Alma thought it was expedient that they should try the virtue of the word of God." And I was impressed that in my parenting, especially at those moments of exhaustion and all interactions that I have with my kids, I need to incorporate the word of God, into my speech and my actions.
Annika has been really good at helping me remember to have the mind set of "what would Jesus do." She will say things troughout the day like "Jesus said,'Be nice to your brothers and sisters.'" And, "Jesus said to share," (reminding Dallin that it is her turn with a toy). Today she said out of the blue, "Mom, do we need to strengthen our family?"
"Yes, we do need to strengthen our family,"I am thinking,"Where is this going?"
"Why do we need to strengthen our family?"
"So we can be a strong family for when we need to do hard things," ("like surviving cancer or moving to a new state, or helping mom with the new baby," I am thinking to myself).
"Like lifting up heavy water bottles and hard things like that, we need to be a strong family?" As she is hefting a case of water bottles.
Then Dallin shouts out in a defiant tone, "Me no lift water strengthen family!" I am still trying to decipher that one, but the whole conversation did get my thoughts turned more to the spiritual side of things.
So I have come to the conclusion that in order to be a better parent and keep my cool, and help my kids gain a testimony of actually living the Gospel of Jesus Christ and not just going through the motions, I need to have His word "written on my heart." And I need to talk to them about making choices as it relates to what Heavenly Father wants for their lives. Like a friendly Jehovah's Witness lady helped me realize recently, I need to really study my scriptures more than I have been lately.
Back to Ariel's craziness, or I guess a nicer way to say it is enthusiasm, I realize that aside from having a lot of energy, she also has a very large desire for attention, and I am lucky when she is trying to get positive attention instead of negative. So I plan on having a sit-down talk with her about how her behavior effects the whole family (think "when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy") and have her come up with strategies to focus her energy in helping the family. She can be very helpful if I give her enough praise, but I have a hard time not only remembering that but also giving her enough because like I said, she wants a lot of attention. Sometimes it works to have her go read a book for a while, and she is becoming quite the book worm, but sometimes she just needs to MOVE. I am getting apprehensive about the cold weather that is coming because it won't be as easy to just have her go outside and burn off some of her energy. I bet she will have tons of great ideas.
On another note, to update you on our home-school preschool attempt. For 6 weeks it has gone pretty well. We had two other friends coming over every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. We did art projects, learned a letter a day, sang songs, played, had snacks, read stories. It was great, but the sweet little boy from our ward who was such a hard worker and good example to everyone else (Dallin was going to preschool too) is moving, and the other little boy, doesn't listen and can't hold a pencil or use scissors, or share toys, and by that time of day the baby in my tummy is telling me I need a nap. So, I think I am going to start doing preschool with just Annika in the mornings. I wish that we could find some little 4 year old girls to be Annika's friends. My three strategies haven't really panned out yet : there is only 1 other girl in her morning dance class (I attribute that to the lack of stay-at-home moms in this area), we didn't sign up for story time fast enough and the walk-in one is full of babies, not preschoolers, and it has been harder to make friends through Moms Club than I thought, and I joined the wrong one geographically--they live in a different school district.
I have been taking a Zumba class while Annika is in her dance class, but maybe I should quit, so I can stand around with the one other mom watching our girls dance and become her best friend and set up play dates for our daughters. But with the cold weather, how I am going to get my exercise in? I just found out today that there is one more slot open in the Thursday afternoon preschool story time, and I can just hang out with Dallin in the library while that is happening, maybe we will meet some friends that way. And maybe I should just forget about the dues and join the right Moms club, or go to both. Decisions, decisions........I miss living in Holladay, where Annika (as a two year-old) had a group of friends.

Catching up on pictures from July --Washington DC

Back in July, while Svetlana was visiting, we went on our first trip to Washington DC. Our plan was to drive down, and go to the temple both Friday night and Saturday morning, so some sight seeing Saturday, and drive back in the evening. As it turned out, after I made the non refundable hotel reservations, I found out that the temple was actually closed, so we just did more sight seeing than we originally planned. We also went to the visitor's center near the temple and got to watch the movie about Joseph Smith. It was a great experience for everyone. Next I will post pictures of the family reunion.

Photos of Adriana today

annika

Your favorite person

My happy little two year old Dallin was giggling and hugging me and exclaiming, "Mommy!" So I asked him, "Who is your favorite person in the whole world?" Thinking of course it is me, right? And he replies with a huge smile on his face, "Esus, iest!" He prefers not to use initial consonants, so translated that would be, "Jesus Christ!"
I guess there is no one else I would prefer to come in second to.

Quotes I like...and some musings

Before we left for our road trip to Wisconsin, I took the kids to Target to buy a new book each for the ride, and some snack food for the car. I also picked up a book for myself. I couldn't for the life of me remember any of the 30 some books on my to-read list on Good Reads, so I just browsed for awhile. I ended up in the young adult section with a few books that I wanted to get. I bought a book called Criss Cross by Lynne Rae Perkins, and thoroughly enjoyed it even though it was about a bunch of 14 year-olds. I haven't read many books about 30 somethings raising kids. I don't know, I really liked being 14 and I really like coming of age books in general, for light reading, maybe because you discover so much about yourself at that age. Anyway, I even underlined one line in it because it really struck me so I wanted to write about it. It is about a boy who is dragged to a cafe with his older sister, unwittingly to be her social buffer, and hears live guitar music for the first time. "He didn't realize that her was in a sponge state but, having been separated from his moorings--couch, TV, pizza--and led into unfamiliar territory, there was a spongy piece of him left open and receptive to the universe in whatever form it might take, and the form it took was a guitar." I really like that idea of a spongy state. I guess it has to do with being 14 too, because I don't think I am as spongy or open to the universe as I was at that age. One of the things I miss most about being a university student, well I guess that is older than 14, but still, is being enlightened and inspired not only by my subject material and brilliant professors, but by new surroundings and experiences.
This summer has been kind of mind numbing for me, and maybe that is why I have been reading a lot lately, to try to balance it out, but after we got through the swimming season, which was basically just busy, and no time to think, and the traveling, we have been just hanging out at home (to escape the heat and humidity and also because I get worn out a lot and need to rest), and the kids seem to be fine with it, they play so much and do productive stuff too like workbooks, and read and practice piano and they are developing a lot of house cleaning skills through lots of practice. At the beginning of the summer I was worried about keeping them entertained and busy, but now I realize it is me that needs to be entertained and stimulated to stay mentally balanced, but it makes me think, when I let my kids play with each other for hours or get them started on projects that occupy a lot of their time, and go read a book or something, am I really doing the best job I should be raising my kids, am I lazy? Sometimes when I take naps because I am exhausted, I think, "my body needs a nap because it is growing a baby inside" or I have also been experiencing sever headaches frequently, which I never had before, and sometimes the only thing that helps is laying down. Granted, economically, it would not make sense for me to get a job and put the kids in day-care, nor be the best thing for them, but it makes me think, am I working as hard as my husband does at work, or other "working" adults. Which gets me to my next quote.
It is from "The Chosen" by Chaim Potok, about a Jewish boy growing up in Brooklyn during WWII. This is the boy's father speaking to him, "I learned a long time ago Rueven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, meaning is not automatically given to life. It is hard work to fill one's life with meaning. That I do not think you understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of rest when I am no longer here. Do you understand what I am saying?"
It makes reminds me of how I felt on my mission when my companion and I would come back to our apartment after a long day of missionary work completely physically exhausted and also excited and anxious for the next day. I do experience physical exhaustion as a mother but I am not always anxious for the work of the next day. As an ESL teacher I would get excited about my lesson plans and the progress my students would make. I felt a direct connection between my efforts and their growth. I don't feel that as much right now as a mother. Maybe because I am not actively planning for their growth, I am in more of an auto-pilot, survival mode. I am planning on home-prechooling Annika this year, and I am wondering if I will have the energy to really put in a good effort and plan enriching activities for her.
Sorry, I ended that on kind of a depressing note, that's what happens in my brain when I start spiraling downward. I should have given myself the pep talk that it is going to be wonderful and it is a great idea to home-prechool Annika and it is just the opportunity I need to throw myself into something and all I need to do is find some kind of pre-school cirriculum that has definate goals laid out so that we can measure her progress, and we are going to have a wonderful time together and learn all kinds of new songs, and do cool new art projects and she is going to become really great at writing her letters and maybe even learn how to read......:)
And this will help add meaning to my life...God-willing.

Trip to the zoo with Grandma in July

Adriana riding a camel.
Annika having the time of her life on a pony.
Ariel with birds landing on the hat the zookeeper put on her head.
Dallin and I in a paddle boat.
The kids posing with Grandma and a dinosaur statue.

Bad luck with beaches

Svetlana and Annika at Brighton Beach

So, I am trying to catch up with all of the pictures of all of the fun things we did in July, and the next pictures were ones we took the day we tried to go to Brighton Beach, which is a part of Brooklyn where Russian immigrants live and there are a lot of Russian stores and restaurants. Our goal was to eat at a place called Cafe Glechik, but it was a pretty unsuccessful trip, so I decided not to blog about it. But after my trip to a beach in New Jersey yesterday, the one to Brighton Beach may not look so bad. So, as I mentioned we were actually planning on going to a restaurant, not the beach, but after driving around looking for a parking spot for a few hours, we decided to call and order take out from said restaurant and just jump out of the car to pick it up. The problem was that we went on a weekend in the middle of July when everyone and their Russian brother are going to the beach to actually lay out on the sand or swim or something, so there were absolutely not parking spaces available. We even tried near-by residential neighborhoods, but they had signs posted that you can't park there from May to September. If there is a warm day in September (maybe next year) we might try going back, because the food was definitely worth it (real shashliki if you know what I'm tlaking about). And I think it would be neat for Nikolay to be in an environment where everyone is speaking Russian. He is not to excited about that aspect of it, but I think after he experiences it he won't regret it. Kind of like when we first moved to Salt Lake, and I felt like he would enjoy going to the Russian branch, and he was really hesitant, but then after four years it was hard to convince him to switch to a local ward.
So the picture above is one we took when we were waiting for our food to be made, Nikolay let his mom and I out with the kids, and we walked down to the water, put our feet in for a few minutes and walked back across the hot sand trying not to step on the sunbathing, Russian speaking, lucky people who had successfully parked their cars somewhere, or maybe they came on the subway, which is what we probably should have done.
The part that I feel really bad about is that we had Jacob and Emily come to meet us there and we had to leave before they even got there. They had to spend an hour on the subway just to get there, but that by that time we had already been looking for a parking spot for two hours, and had lost moral and could not come up with a plan B. It was really very poor planning on my part. I guess I was just optimistic that something would work out. Which leads me to our adventure yesterday.
Maybe being optimistic, and not planning things out well, it a fault of mine....... maybe. For a while now Ariel has been asking if we could go to the beach sometime, and I told her that yes, we will go to the beach sometime this summer. Well, this week has been pretty boring for the kids, compared to the rest of the summer. Swimming is over, we are back from our family vacation, and my biggest accomplishments for Monday and Tuesday were getting our tires rotated and going to my first prenatal appointment (I'll blog more about that later.) Although those activities seemed to fill up my days the kids were a little on the bored side, so with nothing planned yesterday, I woke up thinking, "Today is a good day to take the kids to the beach. My neighbor, who grew up in New York, gave me the address of a nice beach that she has frequented since her childhood. I checked it out on line and checked the weather. It was a little overcast with a high of 80 degrees and it wasn't supposed to rain until 4:oo at which time it was only supposed to be 40% chance of rain, a risk I was willing to take. The only thought I had about the weather was that with the grey skies, the pictures wouldn't be that great. (How did I get away with spelling grey with an e today? Maybe little Miss Spellchecker is cosmically listening to me.)
Ariel and Adriana enjoying the waves in the rain.

Well, to make a long story short, we got to enjoy the beach for about seven minutes before a downpour had us running back to our car. At one point Ariel giggled and said,"This is the worst day of my life!" I thought. "Oh really, worse than being diagonosed with cancer? And you sure were having a lot of fun before I said we had to go back to the car beasue it was raining." She would have stayed out in the waves even if it were hailing. The kids all took all their clothes off in the car, I guess the prospect of driving back home for 2 hours in wet sandy clothes wasn't too appealing to them. Somehow everything we had managed to get wet and covered with sand. So in my quest to get older and wiser I have learned that next time I go to the beach I should pack dry towels and clothes that stay in the car. I couldn't very well drive around naked, so I was stuck in my wet clothes. For some reason we were all starving at this point, and in my condition I can't stand hunger very long without getting a little crazy. So we were driving around looking for a drive through, and I had thoughts like, "I hope we can find an interesting drive through not the typical fast food, like Greek food or "Curry in a Hurry" in Salt Lake. Better yet, I wish they had drive throughs that sold dry clothes, at least t-shirts, and underwear would be nice too." Well, no such luck, there wasn't even a McDonald's. Then I spotted a pizza place in a strip mall. I decided to run in and get some pizza for everyone while the semi-naked kids waited in the car, and hoped I wouldn't get arrested for that. I tried to brush as much sand off of me as possible, but was somewhat embarrassed to enter a restaurant dripping wet. The nice thing about living in the East is that there are real actual Italian people who run pizza places and call deep dish pizza "Sicilian." The nice thing about having an eight year old daughter is that when I got back to the car, she had everyone mostly dressed, having located somewhat dry clothes and shaken off the sand from most of them.
As we drove away from the strip of land that the beach was located on, we spotted a castle on a hill, and decided to drive up the hill to explore. It turns out that the castle was actually a historic site, of two old lighthouses connected by a fortress looking building, now turned into a museum. We got to see a giant bivalve lens, that the girls called a disco ball, becasue it was so shiney. The towers are actually the Twin Lights of Navesink.
The kids really enjoyed the museum there and climbing one of the towers.
Annika ended up wearing Dallin's swimsuit and rash guard because hers was too wet and we lost her skirt at the beach. Climbing up the tower. This is a view from the tower. You can see the new bridge they are building that take you out to the beaches, Sea Bright, the beach we went to is off to the right.

On the way out of town we followed some more little brown signs to find a scenic overlook with a playground called Mitchell Scenic Overlook, where on a clear day you can see all the way to NYC. Too bad it wasn't a clear day, but we had fun anyway getting wet all over again on the playground. Everyone agreed that we had a fun day despite the rain.
Adriana really wanted her picture sitting on this "gun" it was actually a cannon, but I guess that is not in my kids' vocabulary.

Falmingos in New Jersey and Martians in New York

We made a trip to see Jacob and Emily one last time before they moved away from the Big Apple to that place where everything that happens there stays there. Driving to Staten Island, we pass through New Jersey, and as we were crossing a narrow-to-me bridge, the girls shouted out, "Look there are flamingos down there!" I couldn't take my eyes off the road and I am sure that flamingos don't live this far north, so I just assumed they were some other kind of water fowl. We do see gray heron every once in a while. When I was in elementary school, we learned that both grey and gray were acceptable spellings but now little miss Spellchecker, tells me that I can't spell it grey. Why?????
Anyway, it was really great (as usual) to see Emily and Jacob, but what was even better this time was that Jacob was laid back, because he wasn't preoccupied with school.


We ate at a place called Mars 2112. I knew that we would have to eat somewhere, so I wanted to take the kids to a place they would enjoy. You go on a flight in their space craft that takes you to the planet Mars and then you eat typical American food with Martian names. And there are a few Martians walking around to pose for pictures. The kids had fun.


After that we went to a playground with some water squirting things in Central Park and then they escorted us back to the ferry station. It was a really fun day and I am so sad that they don't live as close anymore.

On another note, we have been digging out a plot of our yard to make a vegetable garden. There are tons of worms and Dallin kept saying "Worm mommy, worm!" And when Ariel spotted one she instructed everyone else to "chop them in half." I started explaining that worms are our friends ion the garden and enumerating all the useful tasks they perform for us when she said, "I know, and when you chop them in half it makes more worms, so it is even better for the garden." My fear is that they might not survive too many choppings.

Swim Team

We had a great time on the Alburtis/Shepard Hills swim team this year. I went from being afraid that my kids were going to drown at the first practice to letting them go swim with their friends while I watched Annika and Dallin in the baby pool at the end-of-season party. Ariel and Adriana both have improved their swimming skills so much. They started out swimming freestyle (when I was little they called it crawl stroke, go figure) at the meets but weren't that fast at first becasue the whole breathing thing was complicated. It was more like they were just trying to get to the other side of the pool. Then when they tried backstroke they discovered that they were a lot faster at it and it was easier because you don't have to worry about breathing. Maybe next year they will learn the butterfly and breast stroke.
One of the things that I really like about swimming as a sport if you have a few kids is that they will always be on the same team becasue the team ranges in ages from 4-18, so you take them to the same meet. Practices may be at different times for diffferent ages, but at the same pool, so you can just hang out at the pool all day. I also like that you are basically competing against yourself, trying to get a better time than you did last time. The girls loved collecting the ribbons from each meet, and even if they didn't place they still got one for participation. As with all new experiences, you open yourself up to taking risks and being surprised with the outcomes and in improving your own abilities.

Catchin up

So, I didn't write for the whole month of July. I was busy. We moved, were super involved with swimming, and went on 3 road trips. To catch up, I think I'll try to post a picture a day until I am all caught up. We had just moved when the Fourth of July rolled around, so we had a mini celebration involving lighting sparklers and watching 4 different fireworks displays on the distant horizon from Adriana's bedroom window. Our new house is kind of set up higher than the one's around it, so we have a great view of the valley. We didn't get our family room set up for a few weeks after moving, because it took us a while to get the paint job (red!) just right and find a rug that was just right for the room, and a decent TV stand, so we didn't plug our TV in for a couple weeks and the kids took to watching movies on Netflix on the computer. Adriana's new favorite is the Pink Panther. She just loves that kind of humor. She will do a play by play for me after she sees a really funny one.

Deep thought, not Jack Handey but the real thing

So, lately my posts have been just pictures of my kids, but I just had a deep thought that I would like to write about. "Your kids wouldn't blame you every time they fell down learning how to roller skate, so why should we assume that tragedy isn't "supposed to" happen." By supposed to I mean that God allows tragedy to happen the same way we let our kids fall down when they are learning how to rollerskate. I had a discussion with an old friend of mine a while ago where I implied that something bad that had happened was "all part of the plan" when she expressed her thought that her mother and my sister weren't supposed to die young. That that is not what Heavenly Father wanted to have happen. I don't believe that He wanted it to happen anymore than we want our kids to get all bruised up roller skating, but we know it will probably happen and we don't prevent it by not allowing them to roller skate. Maybe it is her way of saying "We can't blame God for their deaths." Which I agree with, we can't, and I never did for a minute, but have accepted that bad things do happen, and it is OK, albeit difficult near to impossible for us to deal with.
For me this was an epiphany, becasue at the time, months ago, I didn't know how to respond to her.

I guess what is so hard to deal with when someone dies prematurely, is that we had plans for a future with them, and now our plans ave been altered, and we miss them, even if we know they are in a better place. Everytime I see a couple with thier cute kids where the wife is Asian and the husband is blond, I think that that should have been Sarah. The house we bought was owned by a Korean family and a couple times when I drove by, their kids were playing in the yard, and it was like a flashback to Peter and Sarah, playing together. I guess I am not done greiving, but I don't want to ever be either. So if you see a crazy blond lady crying in the gocery store in line behind Korean people, that is me. I am thinking about watching all of the movies from Sarah's list of favorite movies on her blog. What do you think? Anyone want to join me.

Mini Golf

Here are some shots from the miniature golfing adventure that Grandma Svetlana took us on.

Butterflies

Adriana had me order some caterpillars to watch turn into butterflies and here are some pictures of the day we released them.






Adriana had me order some caterpillars to watch turn into butterflies and here are some pictures of the day we released them.

Ariel's Baptism

In the weeks leading up to Ariel's baptism on several occasions it really hit me that as much as we love and cherish Ariel and are grateful that she is part of our family and that she is alive, her life doesn't belong to us, we have the privilege of being a very important part of it, and are doing the best we can to fulfill our responsibilities as parents and set her on the right path, but ultimately she belongs to our Heavenly Father. She was His daughter before she was ours. This perspective is both humbling and motivating. It motivates me to be a better parent and fills me with a sense of purpose and gives meaning to my interactions with her. I am so happy that she chose to follow the Savior and be baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of latter-day Saints. A few years ago I was worried that she might not be prepared for baptism when she was eight, so in the past few months, I pulled out my old missionary "discussions" and went over the basic principles of the Gospel with her and was satisfied with her understanding and impressed with her insights. It has strengthen my testimony in the doctrine that at age eight a person really is ready to be held accountable for their decisions and that they can really grasp deep spiritual principles like repentance and forgiveness.
With the commotion of the day, I didn't manage to get a picture of Ariel and Nikolay in their white clothes before the baptism, but this is right after they changed their clothes (for the second time, Nikolay had missed the word "and" in the baptismal prayer, and they had to change back into their wet clothes and do it again, I was glad to be able to share with Ariel that I had to be baptized 3 times before it was just right because my hair kept floating up) before we headed back to the chapel. The sweet peacefulness and assurance from the Holy Spirit overwhelmed me with a marked impression that this was one of the most important moments in her mortal existence.

So many people came to support Ariel on this special day. I felt an outpouring of love from both family and friends. With all the details that rested on my shoulders as the mom, from inviting people to participate in the program and printing it out, to deciding on and preparing refreshments, to preparing the white clothes for Nikolay and Ariel, I was worried that something wasn't going to go right, but everyone around us pitched in and everything went smoothly and I was able to really enjoy this important day. From my family my parents flew out from Wisconsin, the Miners drove down from Boston, Jacob and Emily hopped on a bus from NYC, and Svetlana flew out from Salt Lake City. For the program Emily and Jacob said the opening and closing prayers, Mom and Dad gave the talks on baptism and the Holy Ghost, Rebekah played the piano and accompanied her girls plus Adriana and Annika for a special musical number. Two of Ariel's friends from school also came, one of which is the daughter of my dear walking friend, and it was so nice to have her there too and get to introduce her to my family. There were also plenty of close friends from our ward who came to support her and share this special day with us.
It was so nice to spend time with our extended family the whole weekend, swimming at the hotel pool, staying up late talking 2 nights in row. And the girls had a ball with their cousins who go to sleep over Saturday night. Friday night Mom, Dad, Emily and Jacob came over when they all got in town and the kids got to show off and goof off with everyone. At one point Mom said that watching my kids interact at this age reminds her of us when we were little.

We went to our favorite park and photo shoot location here in Alburtis, Lock Ridge Park. Ariel just loved spending time with her favorite cousin, Elise.
The kids had a great time playing hide and go seek/tag with Grandpa, and later Jacob.
Dallin and cousin Camille, "hiding" in a doorway of an old stone structure.
The whole crew.
Grandma and Grandpa with eight out of their 14 grandkids.

It was so much fun having Grandma Svetlana stay with us for 3 nights. She really spoiled everyone with gifts and taking us out to eat and miniature golfing, pictures to follow.